A young man and woman, both raised in good, solid Christian families, fall in love and get married, embarking on a life they plan to live in service to God and to the less fortunate on our planet. They follow the models of the church institutions they had grown up with, and those churches had told them since birth that the best guide for life was the Bible, and specifically the model of the life of Christ.
I had the privilege of knowing Tim and Amie Sexton during their dating years and the very early years of their marriage. I remember them as two of the kindest, most well-meaning and thoughtful people I had ever met. At the time, in the early 1990s, I was just embarking on my own spiritual journey that led me to widen my own vision, to question everything and expand the role models beyond those of the church, with its flawed human limitations. But Tim and Amie, and several others I knew in their social circle, were so strong in their faith. I admired that, felt envious of people so sure of what they believed, so passionate. The passion I saw in people like them occasionally resulted in their making harsh judgments and statements about others and their actions, and that harshness helped lead me away from traditional religion. I decided to be more people-centered in my quest of spiritual betterment, and in the process I made the harsh judgment to write off Tim and Amie, and all people like them because I did not want to be judged by them, or watch them sit in judgment of others.
Twenty years later, I find out I was wrong about Tim and Amie. It turns out they had thrown themselves fully into following the example of Christ. Tim went to Bible college and earned an advanced degree in ministry. They did work with churches, community mission work. They adopted needy children of other races and love and care for them as any loving parent would do. Their story, outlined in Amie’s memoir Faith Lost, shows them grappling with the things so many people do: finances, making their marriage work, raising children, trying to develop meaningful careers. What makes them stand out is that all the while they unfailingly put others first and kept the example of Jesus in the forefront of their minds.
Not surprisingly, many of the people surrounding them were more conventional. Living in a self-effacing manner in support of those less fortunate than you is not easy, and after all not a practical way to live and raise a family. In fact, it is that difficulty in trying to do something so counter to our social norms, with less than ideal institutional or community support, that highlight just how radical their goodness is, of how much their love for their fellow human beings is. That goodness is also what makes their story such a compelling read. This crisis of faith, of something “lost” as the title implies, belies that fact that this couple actually seemed to have gained a broader view of the universe through their trials.
Their experiences ultimately led them to define themselves as agnostic and to leave the church, and yet, Amie takes such pains in this book to explain how this was not a selfish move, that it was not lightly done, and that in doing so they have not stopped trying to “do good” or help their fellow humankind. This memoir shows their growth toward being more fully enlightened people, and it is an inspiration for anyone of any belief system or life situation. And Amie, in an email to me about the book says, “I like to think that we are/would have been generous sacrificial people without the Jesus loop but don’t give us too much credit. Many of the things were done ONLY in obedience and often in spite of our own reservations. And some we regret completely.” And yet how many people, faced with the same teachings, would ever even consider taking those steps to begin with?
I am humbled and amazed at the wonderful kind and giving spirit this couple has exhibited and am so impressed with the accomplishments they have made in their mission as a couple. Despite a wildly different life path and set of circumstances, I see more than a little of my own journey in this family’s story. We need more of that in this world, people and families who are visibly different coming to see how much they have in common, and how human beings are basically craving to be kind and helpful to one another.
Sexton, Amie (2014). Faith lost: a memoir. Lexington, KY: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. ISBN: 978-150024177-3
Tim and Amie’s current project is their urban “mini-farm” in North Carolina, called Reconnect Farm
Amie also writes a very insightful and inspirational blog called The Daily Morph which I highly recommend.