How do I create more authentic agreement in my life? Harmony among ideas, people and actions will make things smoother.
Harmony is a combination of parts or other related things that form “a consistent and orderly whole.” The idea is that this combination will produce something pleasant, appealing and positive in nature. A kind of unity that is particularly free of disagreement. You are in harmony when you have agreement of feeling, approach or action. All the elements of a whole interact in a pleasing, seamless way.
Looking For Areas of Agreement
In terms of human relationships, harmony is created through:
- compatibility between or among people
- agreement on a common goal or vision
- an absence of friction, discord or petty disagreements
Harmony does not imply that everyone is the same in thought, action or appearance. It is created in relationships when everyone works toward the same end result while focusing on what they have in common. Each person brings his or her strengths to the situation and appreciates the contributions of others.
To make your interactions with others more harmonious, look for common ground. Start from there and work out in the direction that needs to be followed. Just because no one is complaining and everything seems placid on the surface does not mean that everyone is on the same page.
Getting to Harmony: The Practical Matters
The intention of congruity among all participants sounds impossibly idealistic, and such perfection is not always 100% possible, but it is worth striving towards. The more that each person’s needs are being met, the more each person buys into the purpose of the relationship/group.
- Does each person feel represented?
- Are people encouraged to share ideas freely, without being shot down or immediately criticized?
- Do the inequities that naturally occur get recognized and worked on in an appropriate manner?
- Are the basic needs of human comfort being met (thirst, hunger, temperature, etc.)? When requirements for these vary among people together, how can these differing needs be handled?
- When group decisions must go against someone’s individual idea, how is that person kept on board?
Harmony Amidst Trouble and Hard Times
When the above questions have been addressed, and a goal or cause shared by all is at stake, it is remarkable to see how well people will come together. People will surprise you with how hard they will work, and how much they will sacrifice, if they feel included in the vision.
Developing a positive view of the world and especially of others will help prepare you for troubling times. Your character and ability to work with others is developed as a series of habits over time. You can grow and improve yourself, and that will help you spread joy and increase the amount of harmony in the world.
Learning to work with others makes you a great asset to any group in a crisis.
Harmony does not imply that everyone is the same in thought, action or appearance. It is created in relationships when everyone works toward the same end result while focusing on what they have in common.
“Forced” Harmony
Authoritarian leaders always strive for the appearance of harmony. They set out a goal created at the top and implement it as a directive downward. Everyone else involved is expected to work toward a prepackaged goal without thoughtful input. When people feel physically, emotionally or economically threatened, they will generally go along with this kind of scheme. Such groups may be able to act with a stilted kind of unity. But be clear: it is not harmony. True harmony is the voluntary contribution to a cause by free and respected members of a relationship or community.
Forcing a certain attitude leads to dishonesty. It leads to falsifying data, to subgroups working against the main purpose, and it requires the entire operation to work through the concept of fear. If the leader of such group has no central, steady principles, it is even worse because the idea of what is expected can change at a moment’s notice. Nobody can be creative or insightful under those conditions.
Learning to Fit In vs. Expressing Your Individuality
When you are part of a group, you are expected to make compromises, to participate in and help further ideas and projects that are against your own ideas of what is best. Feeling part of a greater effort is exciting, yet when your values are far from the rest of the group, you are drained and frustrated. It feels like you are losing too much of yourself in the group.
There are times when it is appropriate to put your personality/preferences in the background, and others when it would be the worst thing to do. Part of your internal agreement is learning to listen to yourself to know what feels right on the deepest (or highest) level.
Each level of awareness interacts with the others. Your inner life, and its desires, should get along with the outer parts of your life. Your family, friends, working life, community involvement ideally will be a piece of the overall harmony of your life.
Much has been written about the work-life balance. I have learned that when I feel out of balance, it is best to stop and take a reading of what is going on. Sometimes I do this and find I really cannot change much in the moment. But I can verbalize my imbalance, label it, so I am aware. this prevents me from getting deeper into the imbalance.
Conclusion: Applying Harmony
Harmony can exist everywhere. Places and institutions that are designed to handle conflicting goals can contain as much agreement of nature as the most congenial love fest. If all participants take a positive approach, that is easy. Even when just a few people stay positive, it has an effect and becomes contagious. Be one of the people who sees the potential for harmony whenever you go, and spend energy making it true.
Note: This post, “Harmony,” was originally published on Brian Beholds on November 8, 2016. It was revised, expanded and republished on January 17, 2020. Control # 0163