To respect is to give honor to someone or something. We show that we value, or esteem, the person or thing. The object of our esteem knows that we are giving them the honor, and everyone else can see it as well. This special consideration grows based on the object’s accomplishments, seniority, position or indispensability.
Are you showing proper consideration for the people in your life?
Respect is “recognizing that how you interact with another person will affect your relationship with that person, and then choosing to take actions that will build relationships, rather than injure them. It helps us decide how to choose to act toward others.”
Peter Post, Essential Manners For Men
Respect is Special Consideration
As the giver of respect, you must feel the receiver is worthy of the honor. Animals show respect to other animals that are physically dominant. Children show natural respect to commanding teachers or confident parents. They all test the boundaries of authority figures who show weakness or who are lacking in confidence. Dogs will become more dominant over weaker personalities. Political figures see their influence wax or wane based on the perception of how well their followers feel they are good examples and fair leaders.
Kinds of Respect
- Respect for Yourself: Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Express your ideas and opinions. Stand up for your rights. Without this basic form of attention to yourself, you will not be able to value anyone or anything else.
- Respect for Others: Others deserve the same consideration you do. Always think of the other person. When in doubt, give the appearance that the other person is more important than you are.
- Respect for Nature: We all share the same planet. Nature is communal property that we are all part of. All the elements of nature interact with one another and are essential to the survival and success of the other parts.
Indicators of Respect: are you respectful? are you being respected?
Spend some time thinking of what respect means to you, and what benchmarks indicate a considerate interaction. You can then use your criteria to make sure you are treating others appropriately and that you are receiving that courtesy in return.
Here are a few indicators of respect to get you started:
- Protecting the safety of others
- Honesty
- Showing concern for another’s feelings or well-being
- Being open-minded to the ideas and beliefs of others
- Showing trust
- Allowing for differences of opinion, disagreements and necessary discomfort
Ways to Show Respect
- Acknowledge the other person. Nobody wants to feel ignored, overlooked or left out. If people feel visible, they will make the effort to follow the rules and contribute to the cause.
- Show basic kindness. Manners exist for a reason. Pleasantness (and unpleasantness) are contagious. Sometimes a brief smile in passing is all it takes.
- Think of the other person. An extension of kindness is to consider the other’s point of view at all times. What looks like laziness or a failing could have a very good cause. Your ideas and methods are not the only ones and are not infallible. You may have the power and get to have things your way but taking other ideas and human beings into consideration will help you be effective in that powerful position.
- Learn the other person’s preferences and cultural norms. Today we recognize that we live in a diverse world, and not everyone wants to be treated the same way. Acknowledge the customs and beliefs of those around you and you will instantly make them more comfortable and trusting. If in doubt, ask the person in a nonjudgmental way. It is very disrespectful to assume that everyone around you has the same preferences that you do, or that someone fits into a stereotypical idea you may have.
- Encourage the ideas and creative efforts of others. Ideas themselves should be treated as sacred entities. You don’t have to agree with them, but you should honor where they come from. Shutting people down summarily keeps all their creative contributions inside and will cause you to lose respect.
People do not respect the disrespectful.
Ways to Be Respected
- Honor the truth. We all have areas where we wish things were different than they are. Maybe we can work towards changing things, but we must start with the reality. Even if it makes you look bad, and especially if it is caused by your mistake.
- Be prepared. The old boy scout motto applies in every situation. Do your homework, have things organized and ready.
- Show up on time. Time is the most valuable commodity for most of us. Wasting someone else’s time (or your own) is therefore the highest form of disrespect. People do not respect people who are disrespectful. Show up on time and prepared. If something prevents that from happening, give as much notice as possible.
- Know your values and stick to them. What is important to you? What things make you so uncomfortable that they are nonstarters? How do you wish to treat others and have them treat you?
- Say no when needed. When you know what you stand for and what your purpose is, you can define your boundaries. If you are fair and consistent, others will accept them. If others do not know your limits or if the lines are not firm, they will ignore them and demand anything of you.
Handling the Disrespectful
The basic principle is to start with the least invasive and least agitating action possible, then move on to the next level of conflict before trying something more severe. Often the offender is expressing a need of his/her own. Can you help fulfill that need to diffuse the situation? I am surprised at how often a smile or kind word can create the same response in another, and often leads to an apology or desire to correct what has been done wrong.
- Assess the situation: When someone is acting disrespectful. figure out the other person’s intention. Do they mean to be bothering offending you, or are they just being careless? Are they even aware they are slighting you?
- Focus your perspective: Try to see things from the other perspective.
- Ignore it: If it is apparent the offense is intentional, first try to ignore the person. It is better for your sanity, and it deprives the offender of the attention and recognition he/she is seeking. Not every situation must be confronted.
- Avoid it: If ignoring it is not possible, think of ways to avoid the person or situation.
- Direct confrontation: if it comes to this, stay calm and try not to become overly emotional. State what is bothering you and act like you know it was done unintentionally. Always try to lessen the conflict and emotional temperature, rather than increasing it. Decide carefully if the situation is worth the cost of making it more confrontational before getting tougher, more negative, or bringing other people into the situation.
- Protect your safety: If you feel that your safety is truly in jeopardy in any form, then report the situation to your employer, landlord or the police. Ideally you should follow a chain of command of authority from the lowest to the highest. Do not escalate the situation unless no other option is available.
- Maintain your own respect: By staying calm, staying rational and logical, you increase your chance of protecting yourself and of gaining the support of others around you, and of those in leadership.
What is the essence of respect for you? What qualities do you find the most deserving of respect?
Note: This post was originally published on Brian Beholds November 14, 2016. It was revised, expanded and updated on January 3, 2020.